My Time with the Akatsuki
by kittyqueen101
Summary: A girl gets kidnaped by the Akatsuki. yeah not much but its a good story. very little "good guys" EDIT: This story is being re written because i had too many things that didn't add up ssssssoooooooo it will not be updated. at all.
1. Cosplayer freaks

Ch. 1

I was sitting at home reading a book like I normally do and then I heard a noise like the door opening so I grabbed my bag (I was planning on asking my mom if I could sleep outside to draw the stars as I often do) and so I went down to say hi to my mom and BAM something hits me in the head.

Hard enough to knock me out.

And that's saying something because I have all boy cousins and I am hard to knock out.

When I wake up I feel like I'm moving and I open my eyes to see if I can see what took me out.

All I see is black cloak with some red and white.

Then I ask my captors "Who the hell is carrying me?"

The only response I get is not even talking to me.

"Hey she's awake, un. What should I do? Knock her out again?"

And I say to this person" Yeah I'm awake. Who are you some Deidara cosplayer??"

Then the cosplayer said "Sasori do you know what on earth she's talking about, hmm?"

Suddenly I realize that somehow I'm in actual danger and that makes me faint and I never faint… it might have something to do with the fact that I'm thinking so fast that I'm confusing myself.

And I'm hyperventilating.

When I wake up again me, the cosplayer, and this so called "Sasori" person are stopped sitting around a fire.

Oh and my hands are bound.

Great just what I need, a cosplayer/kidnapper and a person who thinks he is Sasori, to come kidnap me.

Wonderful, just wonderful.

Right now I am thinking about what to say so I don't get knocked out again.

Then I decide it would be best to see what those two are talking about.

"Sasori, Why are we kidnapping this girl again? It just doesn't make sense to me. She is just an ordinary girl."

The other person… Sasori replies "I don't know, all I know is that she is important because leader-sama told us to get her and not to get the tailed-beast. I wonder if she has a special ability that we don't know of?" he said looking at me.

I decide to talk, acting like I just woke up.

"Where are you taking me?" I say knowing that the probably won't tell me.

The blond replies to "Our base, hmm."

Wow I got an answer, wasn't a good answer, but it was answer all the same. "Okay, Question? Why did you guys kidnap me? And are you going to knock me out again?"

There I've asked the two questions I wanted to ask.

"What do think Sasori? Should we knock her out again, hmm?" the blond asked his friend.

Suddenly I realized that I was actually in the Naruto because the blond, Deidara, had pulled out a freckin kunai.

"Well Deidara I think that we shouldn't because then when we arrive at the base she'll be knock out. Do you agree?" the black-haired lump asked.

"Yeah, your right, un. We should get leaving though, so leader-sama doesn't get mad, hmm." Deidara replied, starting to pack up his stuff, which amounted to a spare cloak, a bed roll, some food, and some clay.

Talk about light packers.

"I agree." Sasori replied, packing up his spare cloak.

I know this has to be just about one of the stupidest questions to ask but I asked it.

"What should I do?" I asked uncertainly.

The blond replied "Follow us," and picked up the little bit of access rope in front of my hands.

Then we start walking toward the rising sun.

Wow that was cheesy, I thought dryly.

"So," I say, trying to start up a conversation," Where are we?"

Deidara says "She talks a lot more than a person on the brink of death, doesn't she, un?"

"Yeah, well she's very much alive." The lump called Sasori replies, sounding very untalkative.

Well I better shut up.

This is not a good time to thin- OMG a guy with an orange swirly mask is running, no make that sprinting, toward us.

Well we either have a cosplayer or a real live Tobi.

"Deidara and Sasori brought a new friend!!!!!" swirly boy shouted.

"Tobi, Shut Up And Go AWAY!!!" the blond yelled.

"But leader-sama sent Tobi to get the new girl" Tobi (so I was right) said, "Tobi could tell leader that you didn't give her to me to take to him."

" Okay, fine, here, hmm." The blonde said quickly.

"Yea, follow Tobi, Deidara and Sasori, because leader wants to see you guys too." Tobi said looking completely thrilled.

"Why are we needed?" the black-haired lump asked.

"Tobi doesn't know, Tobi is just doing what leader-sama says to do." He chirped.

Wow, these people are idiots.

I can't help but think that I may not be in harm's way, considering the way they talked about me earlier.

"Umm, can I say something?" I ask unsure.

Tobi responses "What is it?"

"Can I have some food, or water or something? Please?" I ask as nicely as I could.

Tobi looks at the other two "Didn't you feed her?" he asks.

"No" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"Tobi will make you grilled cheese well you're in with leader-sama, ok?" he asks.

I respond the moment after he asked" YES, please."

Deidara looks from me to Tobi and back to me shaking his head.

"Well we'll go see leader-sama, ok?" the lump asked.

"Ok, Tobi will go make food for… What's her name?" he asked.

Deidara replied " I don't know nor do I care, hmm. Come on Sasori lets take her to leader-sama, un."

And he started down the hall way the lump following him, the lump now dragging me a long.

Then I decide to ask this leader person why the hell he wants with me.

We walk in to the room and I see this orange haired person with lots and lots of piercings. I was tempted to say 'Someone went crazy with the piercing gun'.

Instead I say "Why do you want me? Why did you make these people kidnap me?"

Wait what was this guy's name again… umm PEIN it was Pein.

"Here she is leader-sama, un." Deidara says.

Mr. Piercing says "Welcome to the Akatsuki. Where's Tobi?"

Deidara replies "Well we forgot to feed her so Tobi making her food, hmm."

"Mr. Piercing, Sir umm what's your name?" I ask.

Everybody looks at me like I just asked to shoot him.

"My name is irrelevant, but you will call me Leader-sama." he replies.

So that was that.

"Umm why do I have to call you leader-sama? I'm not part of this killing cult." I say.

And then Hidan and Kakuzu comes in and I start laughing.

And everyone is looking at me like I'm insane and then they look at Hidan and Kakuzu and smirk.

Hidan says" Not a god damn fucking word, Got it?"

Kakuzu is just shaking his head and looking very unhappy, even pissed.

"So," Kakuzu starts, "is this the girl that you two had to go get?"

"Does Everyone Know Why I'm Here But Me??!!" I exclaim now pissed off.

"Kakuzu give me the briefcase then leave." Leader-sama said.

"Yes leader-sama" Kakuzu replies walking over and setting the briefcase on leader-sama's desk.

"Nice hair cut Hidan." The blond says.

Oh by the way why I laughed is because Hidan's hair is pretty much a buzz cut.

"Hidan, OUT." Leader-sama says.

"So, Sir Leader Sir, why am I here? I'm just another random girl."

I stared to him.

He raised his eyebrow at the Sir Leader Sir's comment but otherwise he just was just listening and then he replied "I think that you have a good chance of becoming a good ninja."

"So let me get this straight you kidnapped me because it looked like I had good chance of being a good ninja."

"Yeah, pretty much" he replied, "Sasori take her to the kitchen so Tobi can feed her."

"Yes leader-sama." The lump replied.

Then I asked the lump "Are you really that deformed or are you just that stupid enough to walk around like that all day?"

It just looks at me and shoves me into the kitchen and then waddles away.

Tobi runs up and says "What's your name????"

"Umm, it's Koya." I say.

"Oh, Koya has a pretty name. Tobi is done with Koya's grilled cheese." he said.

"WHERE IS MY FOOD??" I screeched at him.

He looks confused and says "On the table."

I lunged into the kitchen and since as I had my hands tied I still had my bag on.

I pulled out a knife to cut the rope and then I stopped and I realized that I had a knife.

I cut the rope and then shoved the knife back in my bag.

After I cut the rope I wolfed the heavenly thing called grilled cheese.

Well seen as I hadn't eaten in pretty much a day all food would seem heavenly.


	2. Oops

Ch. 2

"GOOD MORNING" yelled Tobi.

I didn't realize who he was or where I was so I punched him in the gut. Hard.

Oh and the reason why I didn't punch him in the face is because I realized he was wearing a mask. And the mask looks hard and I didn't want to find out if it was.

"Umm, Tobi are you ok?" I asked hoping he was.

"Tobi's gut hurts." he said obviously in pain.

"Umm go see the doctor person thing here." I said.

For the first time I look around the room.

There were shelves everywhere, with all sorts of things on them. One of the shelves had some test tube on them. Others had chemicals in them; I think some even had blood. Gross.

"Hey Tobi, I'll take you to the doctor person thing." I said, I mean come on, I'm the one who hurt him. I can't turn the blind eye on him.

"Thanks Koya-kun." Tobi said.

"Soo, who's the doc around here?"

"Kakuzu is"

"ok I'll take you there" I say and then pick up Tobi and look at the doors on the outside for name tags or something. Which, lucky for me, there are.

I walk along reading the doors and when I get to the one that says Kakuzu I stop. I knock on the door with my head and the door opens up.

"What the hell did you do to Tobi?" the silver haired guy asked.

"Are you Kakuzu?" "That old fag? Hell no I'm Hidan." he said.

"Ok where's Kakuzu?" I ask losing patience very quickly.

"Hey Kakuzu the new girl is here and she's here with Tobi." Hidan yelled to the person inside, and then said to me "Come on in."

Then who I assume is Kakuzu walks in.

"Where should I put him?" I wondered aloud.

"On this bed." Mr. Mask said. "What happen to him he?" asked me, noticing I'm still in my PJ's.

"He woke me up and he scared me and I didn't know where I was so I punched him in the gut." I said sheepishly.

Kakuzu just looks at me like I'm insane.

"What?" I demand.

He just shakes his head, "Go back to your room he'll be fine."

Well that's good I think as I walk back to my room. And then I changed into the best fighting clothes I had.

It ended up being a pair of nice, comfortable jeans and a lose top, not one of those annoying tight tops that I think are stupid.

I wish I had known that I was going to be taken by these people because then I would have known to pack the ninjaish clothes I have at my house.

But then again I probably would I have thought the person was crazy. I mean seriously a person walks up and says something like 'You will be kidnapped by a group of S-ranked criminals. BEWARE!!!' yeah, not to convincing.

So then I come out wondering where to go because there are no instructions on what to do when you get up so I decide to go and see Tobi. Again.

And the silver haired person named Hidan opened the door and asked "Why the hell are you here again?!!"

"Umm, to see Tobi?" Yep intelligent me, answer his question with a question.

"So," I say trying to ignore the fact the he was looking at me like I was an idiot, "is Tobi still here?"

"No, Kakuzu sent him back to his room."

Oh well that's good, I thought as I wander around looking for Tobi's room.

I can't find it so I go and knock on the door that says ZETZU (yes in all caps) and pray to dear god that this person doesn't put a kunai through my head.

The person named Zetzu answers the door.

"What do-**Who the hell are you?**" this strange person asked, me wondering why he is black and white.

"My name is Koya", I said, "I am trying to find Tobi's room."

"Well that's convenient, we share a room. **Yeah, that annoying bi**- Don't swear. **Fine that annoying boy kept us up half the night.**" The plant man replied.

"Oh, how is he?" I asked, hoping I hadn't hurt him to bad.

"Oh he's fine-**Why do you want to know?"** the black side demanded.

"Um, I kind of punched him in the gut this morning." I said sheepishly.

Was I going have to tell everyone here that?

"Why did you do that?" Zetzu asked, "I know he's annoying but most people don't punch him."

"He woke me up by yelling 'good morning' in my face."

"…, **HA that loser deserved it!!! **No he didn't" Zetzu said, arguing more with himself then me.

"Umm, how is he?" I ask.

"Oh, he's not here, he's making breakfast for everyone."

"You mean he is the only one who cooks here?" I ask surprised.

"No, Uchiha cooks too. ** Yeah he's girly some times, other times he's scary as fuck." **said the plant man.

"Wow the things you learn about S-rank criminals." I said awestruck that Itachi cooks.

"You're telling me? I live with the guy and I'll never know how he can be a deadly killer if cooks such good food." Zetzu said, "Maybe it's because he likes killing the meat."

All the things you learn about these people, I mean who knew emo boy's brother is an awesome cook.

You think you know these people and then WHAM, wake up slap, you learn that Uchiha cooks and Kakuzu a doctor. Yeah I'm confused.

This day can't get any weirder. I walk into the kitchen and smell a wonderful sent.

"What are you people cookin?" I ask the chefs as I walk in.

Itachi just glares.

"And hello to you to Chef Uchiha." I say tipping an imaginary hat to him.

His eyes flash red.

"WTFH???!! YOUR FREAKIN EYES JUST TRUNED FUCKING RED!!!! You Have Pink Eye!!!" I scream loudly.

Leader-sama walks in and looks around. "What happened here? Why did you scream?"

"That fuckin chef has PINK EYE!!!! And he's Freaking Cooking!!!" I screeched.

Leader-sama looked amused. "He doesn't have pink eye, he has the Sharingan."

"What the hell is that?" I ask looking at the chef with pink eye.

"The Uchiha clan has a special kekkei genkai that allows him to read his opponents movements, it also gives him the ability to reverse genjutsu and read ninjutsu." He said smugly, as if he himself had the kiki gunku or whatever it was.


	3. Chakra

Ch 3

"Can you use chakra?" leader-sama asked after I ate breakfast. "Umm, I don't think so, I never have tried because where I come from chakra is a myth and it doesn't exist." I said.

"You're kidding me, right?" he asked amazed.

"No, if I was kidding right now I would not be here I would of use something like escape-from-bad-guy-base no jutsu. And since I haven't even tried to fight back doesn't that mean something to you?" I asked being highly sarcastic.

Everyone just stared and then leader-sama said "Well that's odd." Then Hidan asked leader-sama "If she can't use chakra, what good is she?"

"Hidan vs. Koya, outside in 5 minutes" leader-sama said.

Everyone, and I do mean everyone, stared at him like he just asked for some random irrelevant thing.

I was just about to ask why when Tobi ran up to me and said" Here is some shirakin and kunai, Koya-kun."

"But He's Going To Kill Me!!!" I yelled at the leader.

"Well, then we'll have one less member if you lose, and one more member if you win."

Grumbling I walk outside to try some target practice, not that it would make much difference.

I was happy that at home, without my mother's knowledge, I practiced with Naruto weapons that I made.

And I hit mainly where I wanted as long as the target didn't move too much so that kinda sucks for me.

"TIME FOR THE BATTLE!!!" leader-sama yelled, surprisingly loud.

Everyone walked up and Hidan walked toward me.

With his scythe on his back.

Aw crap I forgot Hidan used a scythe.

Well I'm officially dead.

"Hidan, no scythe." Leader-sama said "Otherwise she probably will lose."

I thanked all the gods I knew of.

Wait, why do I have to fight this guy?

Well I can hope it won't be to the death, wait it can't be to the death because he's immortal.

"Began" leader-sama said so calmly that I didn't even realize the battle had begun.

"Ahh!!" I shouted as I ran away from him. Crap, Crap, I'm going to die.


	4. Sugar

Ch. 4

Then Zetzu ran out looking terrified and yelled" TOBI FOUND SUGAR!!!!!!!!", after that sheer havoc followed.

The leader ran off to lair and ran to hide somewhere.

Hidan looked at me muttered something and ran toward the lair, with almost everyone else, to hide in their rooms, I'm guessing. A few ran off toward the forest, at a very good speed might I add.

I looked around, wondering why they all ran off, and also what I should do.

I shrugged and thought, oh well. At least I have my money on me so I can go to town.

As I walked toward town I tried to think of why they would be scared of Tobi.

When I got into town I went to the clothing store and bought some clothing that was actually made for ninja's. It was fun all and all, but the weird part is this: I hate shopping, especially clothes shopping.

I was starting to be very happy that Tobi had found sugar.

While I was in town I bought some candy; a strong, iron, safe; clothing; some ninja shoes; more matches; some candles; a really long orange scarf for Tobi( his present one was black and that didn't suit him at all); and a few other odds and ends. I put all this stuff in my bag that I had on, looking around to see what food places there were.

The only food place was a place that sold ramen and dango. The first question that popped into my head was this: how big was the bowl and how much noodles did I get.

At my house, before I came here, I used to have instant ramen all the time, but never before had I ever had real ramen.  
I quickly walked over and sat on a stool and asked how much a bowl of ramen was. It wasn't too expensive so I a bowl of chicken ramen. It was the one the best things I have ever tasted.

After that I decided to go back to the lair.

When I got back, I was greeted by Tobi sprinting up and talking at 100mph.

"Tobi, slow down, stop talking so fast, I can't understand you." I said, after which he, surprisingly, did stop talking so fast.

"Koya, Koya, Koya do you know where everyone is? OMG, look at that cute bird. Hey, HEY, lookie, lookie. Tobi found a scarf!" he said all of this in one breath and at the last part he held up his scarf.

"Umm, Tobi, I think you've had that scarf the entire time." I said looking through my bags for the scarf I bought him.

"Hey Tobi I got you a new scarf." I said in triumph as I found the scarf and handed it to him.

"Oh my gosh, I LOVE IT!!!!" he screeched, "Orange is so much better then black." Then he ran off to his room.

I pulled out a sucker and started to lick it, and then Tobi ran out, now wearing his orange scarf.

"This is my sucker and no you can't have one nor can you have a lick of mine." I said flatly as he ran out opening his mouth, then he looked momentarily sad.

"Why can't I?"he said, happy again.

"Because it's MY sucker that I bought with MY money." I replied, looking around and noticing that people have come out because they noticed that Tobi is no longer on a sugar high.

Then the leader came out. " Hidan your fight versus the new girl, Koya, will be, and is, canceled. Forever." He said cutting off Hidan's objections.

Hidan looked mad, but then must of thought of something and walked off smiling on the way to the base.

The next morning I woke up to the smell of smoke. I jumped up and ran into the kitchen to see an abandoned piece of food, smoking, and on fire in the microwave.

Then Diedara walked in, gasped and ran over to the microwave pulling out the food, looking at it, then throwing it away. Then he realized that he had broke the microwave and when white.

"Aw shit. Itachi is going to kill me." And then, right on cue, Itachi walked in and Diedara took one look at him and ran out.

I walked out sluggishly after grabbing a bowl of cereal.

After I ate my cereal in my room I got up and got dressed.

I went outside to work on my ninja skills.

After about a half hour Tobi came out and starts talking very quickly about nothing.

"Tobi, Tobi, TOBI," I yell snapping my fingers in front of his face.

"What?" he chirped back.

"Can you please, and I mean this as nicely as possible, SHUT THE HELL UP AND LET ME TRAIN!!!" I yelled very angry and annoyed that he had interrupted my training.

"Okay he said as he walked back to the base, well technically he skipped.

"You can't get anything done around here can you?" I muttered to myself under my breath.

After a few more hours of training I look over and see Hidan and Kakuzu leaving with their cloaks and everything on.

I scream at the top of my lungs" YES THE ZOMBIE TWINS ARE LEAVING" and start doing a jig.

Then I look over and see Hidan running at me.

"OH FUCKING SHIT!!" I scream and sprit toward the closest building, a odd pace with something written on the door that, in my haste, I couldn't make out.

As I sprint down the steep stair I hear Hidan fall. When I get to the bottom of the stairs I see a red haired person looking at me.

"Hi," I say, slightly out of breath, "Is there any other way out of here?"

"No."

"Umm, okay, now I have two questions: one, what's your name and two, is there somewhere I can hide?"

"My name is Sasori and I have no place to hide you, but if you're running from Hidan he probably already had Kakuzu drag him away." he replied curtly, going back to working on whatever he was working on.

"Umm, thanks. Is there any reason why you're mad at me?" I ask wondering why he sounded mad.

"So I'm not 'a lump' anymore?" he replied dryly.

"Wait, that lump was YOU?" I say, completely shocked.

"Yes, I was in my puppet," he says looking up.

"Oh. Well I'm sorry," I said now regretting the fact that the name didn't register in my mind.

He remained silent. So I said bye and then left.


End file.
